A good day for Ignatius

You think that spud is big? Well sir, I got a tail that will curl your tows. Back when the internet was just a gleam in a mad mans eye before photo shop an titcher there was a man named Ignatius Longfellow Unitas Steed. Folks called him Iggy unless they liked him then they called him Ken. Well sir, O’l Iggy here was one of the laziest farmers you dun ever set yer peepers on. If you ya stop by his homestead you were more likely to see him curled up under a tree hat over his face than gettin any work done. His neighbors, the Pratts, however were the hardest workin lot in all the county. Well one mornin that ol Mr. Pratt walks up to Iggy, who was takin his mid mid morning nap and, an if’n he didn plat his big ol boot in poor ol Iggys gut. “Ignatious Longfellow Unitas Steed I got some news fer ya’ll I asked that o’l banker if’n I could take over ya’ll’s lease and damn it if he didn’t say yes.” Now the Pratts weren’t malicious folks they just didn’t want to see good land wasted by the likes of Iggy. Well sir, I don’t know if a switch went of in Iggys o’l head but somthin inside him went off. “NO I do not reckon so!” Iggy shot back scramblin to his feet breathin heavy. “This hear farm was my daddy’s and his daddy’s before him I am not about to let no Pratt take her out from under me.” Mr. Pratt looked Iggy up and down and says, “Tell you what the fair is in four months you grow a russet that can bring home a ribbon and we call the whole thing off but if you don’t I’m a commin.”

Iggy shot off like there were rockets in his drawers. He plowed and disked his field he planted the finest russet seed money could buy and gave those little seeds as much water as they could drink. Iggy went out every day and tended to his harvest. Nobody had worked so hared in the entire county. Four months flew by and with a gleam in his eye Iggy produced a fine six pound spud. He brought that beauty to the fair and entered it.

“Fine lookin spud you got there” Mr. Pratt said sideling up to Iggy. “Thank ya kindly sir I never new the how great hard work makes ya feel. I don’t think I will likely ever be a lazy good for nothin again.” Iggy beemed up at his lethery faced neghbor. Mr. Pett smiled down at him and said. “Well isn’t that great news.” the juges brought out the spuds. Iggy shined at his accomplishment then out came the other competitor. It appeared Mr.Pett had entered too. His spud was, and shit you not, It was four feet long and three feet high. Sufficet to say Iggy works at home depot now and Mr. Pett has a long standing contract with Denny’s. True story.

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