My Days Without You

today i woke up craving you. it wasn’t something surprising, it had happened to me almost every day. but today was different.

i woke up and ran to my phone, barely even taking a breath, i anxiously stared at it waiting for your message to pop up, but it didn’t. then i went to the bathroom, and as normal as i seemed, i was absolutely broken inside. i washed my face, longer than usual, hoping that when i would open my eyes, you will appear, but you didn’t.

i got out of my apartment. it was extremely foggy. walking to the bus station, i hoped that i’d see you running, breaking through the fog, searching for me, screaming my name. i miss your face, i haven’t seen it in so long, i wanted to see you, but i didn’t.

while i was on the bus, i listened to our song, i hope you remember which one it is, i played it on repeat on that long, monotonous, 30 minute, bus ride to school. seconds before walking out the bus, i checked for a message from you, just in case you missed me. but you didn’t

going to class i had keep a smile and hug people and talk to them, but god knows how much i wanted that they’d be you. the lesson started, i sat on my chair, and almost shattered to pieces. i started thinking of those times with you, i thought of your face, your smell, your voice, your kisses, i thought of you, every part of you that now i’ve lost. i knew that i was broken, but nobody else did.

i guess my point is, that after pushing you away, with the upmost confidence, i can say, that what i did, was the biggest mistake i’ve ever done.

i want you to know that, even though we’re cities apart, even though i made you to let me go, you’re with me in each and every step i make.

i’m sorry. i’m so sorry, i wish i never did what i’ve done. im sorry i controlled your choices and made you do something that i know you didn’t want to.

please forgive me. please come back. i need you. i love you.

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