Words vs. Action

You can say who you are. You can state what you stand for. You can project your wildest dreams, goals, beliefs through conversation and words. I believe that words have their purpose in life. It is a way we can communicate, to the best of our abilities, how we feel.

Yet, words may only take us so far.

“Talk about what you have done, not what you are going to do.”-Rik

In my own experience, I have said I was many different things. Like, “I am highly spiritual.” Or, “I have become a different person through my recovery.” Or, “I am not that same lonely, depressed and anxious person that I once was.”

Things like, “I am going to write songs and play them on a microphone.” Or, “One day I am going to buy and live in a motor home, travel wherever I wish.”

These are nice things I have said before, and there is nothing wrong with saying them. Yet, how are these words to become a validation in my life? There is only one way possible and that is through my actions.

I am here, on my vacation, visiting old family and friends. I have traveled here with my son, bringing my new life along with us.

When I left the Bay Area a few years ago, I was a struggling, recovering alcoholic. I was struggling with my relationship with my higher power, struggling with my relationships with my family and some friends. I left here with hope to find myself, and somehow figure out how to undo my depression, my anxiety and my loneliness. I was in and out of the recovery program. I was on prescribed medication for anxiety/OCD and depression. I was just beginning to write and play songs on a microphone. The dream of buying and living in a motor home someday was not even a thought yet.

I am here on vacation, visiting family and old friends. I could tell them how I have changed, but seeing it through my actions here speaks volumes. Words are meaningless sometimes. Explanations are meaningless sometimes. Walk the walk, don’t just talk the walk, right?

I have hit 2 recovery meetings, so far in my stay here. I have been sober for quite some time now. I regularly attend meetings in Washington, and I have regularly attended them here on my visit. I have been off prescribed medication for a couple of years now, and have changed my entire diet and added supplements to relieve symptoms of anxiety/OCD and depression. I also relieve these symptoms via meditation, yoga, exercise, and with the art of writing essays, writing songs and playing them. Daily exercise and meditation are a part of my life. I could say it is, over and over again, but words mean very little.

My younger brother, a surfer out in Aptos, Ca., invited me to attend my first Bikram Yoga session. He asked me, before my visit here, if he could treat me to a 90 minute hot yoga class. I said, “Hell yeah and thank you so much brother!”

Yesterday was the day that he and I attended the class. My brother is in all kinds of excellent shape, seeing he surfs most days of the year. He was excited for me to try this class. So, we went.

The room was like a sauna. We rolled out the mats, and I did not say much at all when we got into the room. You see, I had been doing my own yoga back home. I had been meditating everyday, back home. I had been exercising everyday, back home. Even the music played in that room yesterday I had been listening to, back home.

I made it through the entire yoga session with my wings on. Solid. I humbly discovered that my back needs more stretching, and my hamstrings too.

My brother was impressed with my work. In his exact words, “She killed it.”

The last time my brother spent time with me, I was a different person. I talked much about what I was going to do, not what I had done. I talked about my abilities, yet never showed through action what I was capable of doing. The less I speak, the more I act. The more I take action, the more words lose their place in my conversations. “We do not need to speak of how far I have come, I will show you.”

After our hot yoga session, we went back to his home. My sister-in-law was there, her mother, my nephews and my niece. While we were all hanging around, I decided to pull out my little half-sized guitar and sing a few songs I have written. After one song, my brother said to me, “That was really nice.” My little 11 year old nephew and fellow musician, Jackson, said something I will never forget. “That was very pretty. Your music is pretty because you feel every part of your songs.” My 11 year old nephew said this. Now, what a compliment. That kid has some soul. I said to him, “Takes one to know one.” (Fist pump)

What is my point of this essay, I wonder. I believe it is this.

For many months now, I have not seen my family in California. I left here a different person a few years ago. We talk on the phone, here and there, and they know that I have evolved and am doing better than when I left. I could have come here, on my visit, and simply talked with them about the things I do and how I have changed, but I didn’t. I am simply doing what I do anyways, going to meetings, exercising, meditating, and playing music. The only difference is, they are here to see it. They are here to ask me what I have done today, and I tell them. “This is what I have done, today.”

“Talk about what you have done, not what you are going to do.”-Rik

Now I think it is time to stop talking about buying a motor home. I will only speak of a motor home should my name be on the title, and I am behind the wheel of my home.

Just for today, I will walk the walk.

Much Gratitude.

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